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This is ridiculous. Withnail: We were wondering if we could possibly purchase a pheasant off of you. Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. Marwood: We mean no harm! He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken]. You dont deserve such loyalty. I think an evening at The Crow. Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. Of course you are! These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! What fucker said that? Monty: Marwood: This is a court, man. Danny: This is a British cult classic. Peter Marwood (I): Stop saying that Withnail, of course hes the fucking farmer! If you can't find anything, bring in the shed. Uncle Monty: (referring to his cat) Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! Marwood: Go with it. It will pass. This ain't fancy dress." If I hear more words out of you, I'll put one of these here black pods on you. But no man's put me down yet. What happened to your cigar commercial? Law rather appeals to me actually. What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. I hope you guys like our collection. Marwood: What the fuck are you talking about? Withnail: Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. [fondling the money Monty has given them to buy Wellingtons] Marwood: Marwood stands there, petrified, the bull is scraping the ground with its front hoof, snorting, he throws the shopping the air and it scatters in the mud. It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. Withnail: Withnail: We've gone on holiday by mistake. I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Peter Marwood (I): Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. [Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window]. Withnail: Prostitutes for the bees. Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail and I is a comedy-drama film which got pretty popular. So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat. You merely imagined it. Look at him. Maybe he f***s arses! Jake: These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! I feel unusual. Top 65 Best Nikola Tesla Quotes On Energy & Success 2023, Top 70 Bengals Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 68 March Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 57 Airplane Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 65 Philippine Literature Quiz Trivia Questions And Answers, Top 62 Chemistry Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 63 Biology Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. How infinite in faculties! [holding umbrella in rain] Marwood: Suits me. [they stop and look at each other. No, I'd better go. You lead him astray. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. 2010 Drama 24M views 2 years ago Uncle Monty - the end of an age ohheckforgotusername 157K views 11 years ago Withnail & I 30. Waitress: Stand aside! Danny: We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. I called him a ponce. I think you've been punished enough. Marwood: Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Marwood: No you can't, listen to me, listen to me! Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. [in a telephone box, speaking to an operator] by Anonymous: reply 16: February 3, 2021 10:58 PM: I've gone on holiday by mistake. [pointing an eel at him] Or do you shut yourself off from new experience? Withnail: Look at this; accident blackspot? He's lent us his cottage. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. I was gonna cook onions. Withnail: Ive told you why. I feel unusual. Withnail: Gi' me one in t' knee. Marwood: How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader?! DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE"] Oh, don't tell me you're not aware of it, I know what you're up to and so do you. And for once Im inclined to believe that Withnail is right. [eyes filling with tears] She said she'd closed. "I'm gonna pull your head off because I don't like your head.". Irishman: My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. Marwood: Suits me. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. 100% Upvoted. Do you like vegetables? Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. Street: the embalmer. Withnail: In that case, "To a delightful weekend in the country.". It's impossible, I swear it. I must be out of my mind. That's politics, innit? It's ridiculous. Hairs are your aerials. How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader! Marwood: (Voice-over) Danny's here. Withnail: If I ever see that silage-heap hanging about up here, I'll take the bastard axe to him. [after being threatened by Jake the poacher] These eels here are for his pot. Even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day And for once I'm inclined to believe that Withnail is right We are indeed, drifting into the arena of the unwell making an enemy of our own future What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that. What had I done to offend him? Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. No! You needn't explain, he's told me everything. Peter Marwood (I): Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. We are 91 days from the end of this decade and there's gonna be a lot of refugees. Hair are your aerials. I've gone and fucked my brain! Oh God, it's a nightmare, I tell you, it's a nightmare. Withnail: (Appalled) How dare you! 'S alright, 's alright, s'alright We're going, our car has arrived! Why have you drugged their onions?! What had I done to offend him? Marwood: I'd never have wanted it, not with him in it! They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. How infinite in faculties! These pheasants are for my pot. Now, which of you is going to be a splendid fellow and go down to the Rolls for the rest of the wine? Marwood: Then they must be delighted with your career. How dare you call me inhumane! Monty: Monty: [Marwood comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel]. . I might come and see you lads in the week. Marwood: Here hare here? Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! Were incompatible. Quotes About Cool Kid (57 Quotes) www.quotemaster.org. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! I've absolutely no interest in yours. I'll deal with the water and other plumbings, you can check the fuel and wood situation. And the Coalman looks at him and says, "Do you think you look normal, Your Honour?" I'll be sprouting bloody feelers soon. Withnail: You mean we've come out here in the middle of f***ing nowhere without aspirins? Have you been away? Uncle Monty: It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane.". [he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it]. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts . Withnail: Marwood: [pulling back the lace curtain] Uncle Monty: I can never touch raw meat until it's cooked. [referring to the radish on Monty's lapel] His sister give him the idea. I don't advise a haircut, man. Grab its ring. [smiling] [sticking out his yellowy tongue] Why don't I get any soup? I can never touch meat until it's cooked. Marwood: He winces as he stretches his leg]. Marwood: [spits onto the ground] Oh, bollocks to the Wellingtons. I'm gonna be a star*! Must be 20,000 sheep up there on those volcanoes, we've got a plate full of carrots. What have you done to them? There's nothing out there except a hurricane. Quotes and one-liners: . Withnail: Balls, I'll swallow it and run a mile! I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. 'He used to pick on me. Murder and All-Bran and rape. My heart's beating like a fucked clock! We've got to get some booze. Then why has my head gone numb? [after a phone call with his agent] If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Withnail: Withnail: I think we've been in here too long. Start shouting. It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. That means we'll miss out Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Danny: We're in the middle of a f***ing gale. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Headhunter to everyone. How dare you call me inhumane?! Danny: Well, it's not my fault if the system doesn't work! Plot - Withnail and "I" - the narrator - are two aspiring actors and friends who are looking for a job in London without success. Marwood: What is all this "tactical necessity" and "calculated risk?!" This is a far superior drink to meths. Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! Danny: I dont advise a haircut, man. Look here, my cousin's a QC! I must have some booze. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither. It is called a Camberwell Carrot. I've always been fond of root crops but I only started to grow last summer. Withnail: Just you wait! A cat, and the rain Vim under the sink, and both bars on. Have another look in that shed. Withnail: - Monty: Youre going to finish the vegetables. The purveyor of rare herbs and prescribed chemicals is back. Search, discover and share your favorite Withnail And I GIFs. Will it? Jesus, look at that. Monty: I sense there is world play but I just don't get it. withnail. Withnail: Scrubbers! Stop saying that, Withnail! Got a bit carried away. Withnail: Don't threaten me with a dead fish! And now I'm calling you one. Required fields are marked *. moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. You're out of your mind! By the time the doors opened he was arseholed on rum and got progressively more arseholed until he could take no more and fell over at about 12 o'clock. Marwood: [Contemplating how to kill a chicken for supper] It's got dreadful beady eyes, they stare at you. Web. Monty: Ive absolutely no interest in yours. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors! So here we are gonna talk about some of thebest quotes from the movie. [looking at a newspaper] Marwood: Marwood: I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Marwood: I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. Policeman 1: A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us. echosmith cool quotes lyrics kid song yah crowd she straight lyric follow quotesgram sees them lines bord kiezen he sydney It's available on But sooner or later you got to get out, because it's crashing. They don't like me being on stage. Well, lick 10 percent of the arses for me, then! The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Nonsense. Tea Shop Proprietor: Monty: Withnail: Half an hour? If he comes into my room again, it's murder, and you'll be held responsible in law! I want something's flesh! I must be ill. Monty: Bastard must have died. Yeah, I know that, you've got to kill it. Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. I don't want to hear it. He doesn't have any friends. There is, youll agree, a certain je ne sais quoi oh so very special about a firm, young carrot.. This thread is archived. Marwood: It's too hot so he drops it, on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing, Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before, Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note, wakes up in the back seat of the car, which is moving along the motorway, he swerves dangerously through the motorway traffic, holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube, Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. Monty: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it! Indeed, I remember my first agent. [telephoning his agent] I think we'd better release you from the lgumes and transfer your talents to the meat. The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! Marwood: I ain't got no pheasants, ain't got no birds. Withnail: You've had an audition. [gesturing at the wine bottles and Marwood in the back] And that's why you mustn't hold back, let it ruin your youth as I nearly did over Eric. Withnail: Get out of it for a while. [holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube]. Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. Danny: Change down, man. I don't consciously offend big men like this. Where's the aspirins? Marwood: Tactical necessity. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Monty: Clearly a myth. Why have you drugged their onions?! Withnail: Withnail: You've got soup. I'm in considerable danger here, I must get out of here at once. A coward you are, Withnail! Marwood: Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. Get that damned little swine out of here! Because I want to walk you to the station. Withnail: Withnail: Matter. You got a rush. Voila! But he's a very low-temperature spade, the Coalman. You don't understand. You're simply blackmailing your emotions to avoid the realities of your relationship with him. This boy's been out there frozen to the marrow and you just sit in here drinking. This doll is extremely dangerous; it has voodoo qualities. [pulling a pheasant out of his coat] Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Peter Marwood ("I"): Stop saying that Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer! Danny: I want to see about digging the car out anyway. Withnail: It will die, it will die! [Danny offers Withnail his huge Camberwell Carrot spliff] [they've arrived at the cottage, it's cold and dark]. I feel like a pig shat in my head. Find your neutral space. Before I became a journalist I was in the Territorials. Hello? [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. My wife is having a baby. Flowers are essentially tarts. Marwood: Monty: How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! 4 Mar. Monty: How *dare* you! Withnail: They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. I assure you I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. Withnail: Right you f***er, I'm going to do the washing up! Withnail: And the Coalman looks at him and says "You think *you* look normal, your honour?" Just run at it! He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken, a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick, Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon, Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window, looking at the kitchen sink overflowing with dirty dishes, he picks up the kettle on the stove. Withnail: One of my favourite movies. Danny's a genius. Withnail: You want me to call what's-his-name and ask him about his house? I couldn't, I'm spaced. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Withnail: It used to give him bad tempers and act up said his wife. He had a weight under his fez. Danny: Don't get uptight with me, man. "Here. Yeah, I know, but I got the logs in. Headhunter to his friends. tags: humour, withnail-i. Now, come along, he's going to revitalise himself and you're going to finish the vegetables. [reading the note] Danny: Time change. - Washington Irving. What the f*** are you talking about? Easily Withnail: Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. Danny: When I come in, I seen one the size of a fucking dog. Marwood: Little tarts, they love it! Why don't you go back? Brings back such memories of Oxford. Burnt! We'll tell him they had a farmers' conference and had a run on them. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness. Marwood: We may as well sit round this cigarette. Marwood: [relieved] Monty! How noble in reason! Well, I don't know. Parkin's been. Monty: Marwood: He is even taller than Withnail and much more burly. [he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. Street: The Embalmer! To offer it the show of violence", [as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear]. What's it got to do with you? Find your neutral space. It is a bond filled with trust, unconditional love, understanding, and support. Will we never be set free? "Boy lands plum role for top Italian director" Course he does! Come on, old boy. Marwood: The police, Miss Blennerhassett. What are you talking about, Danny? [high-pitched voice] The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news. Withnail: Danny: Withnail is cowering under the covers, the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch, screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning, the man who called Marwood a ponce gets up and walks over to them. I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. What are we supposed to do with that? Especially that pimp! Nor women neither. [on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing] Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! If you think you're going to have a weekend's indulgence up here at his expense, which means him having a weekend's indulgence up here at my expense, you got another thing coming. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave oerhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. You been away? Withnail: ", Oh! [ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck] STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Ponce! Marwood: Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. Tanks. I'm not having this shag-sack insulting me! How dare you! Marwood: No we're not, we're here. "It's gone. : Withnail and I. I find the quote read by Monty from the note written by the poacher very usable: "Here, Hare, here." Surely Herr Hare Here. The only people he converses with are his clients, and occasionally the police. Oh dear, no, no, no, I'd be sucked into his trap. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! What's in your hump? General: Withnail: Tactical necessity. Withnail: Let him get his drugs out. [holding him back] Tea Shop Proprietor: [reading graffiti] *Aaaaarggghhhh*! Where did you school? Withnail: Marwood: Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. Withnail: Monty: That's what you say. I'm good-looking. Uncle Monty: Oh! Withnail: Withnail: How can it be so cold in here? I'm utterly arseholed. Withnail: Dont be ridiculous. He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid]. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here comes another fucker! Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). This is a court, man. Marwood: Danny: Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. Withnail: When that moment comes, one's ambition ceases. Hare. Now, look, you. Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder]. We're coming back in here. Listen, I think you should strangle it instantly in case it starts trying to make friends with us. 2023. Give me a downer, Danny. The best GIFs are on GIPHY. Quotes.net. Well, that can't be sensible, can it? This *is* the morning. Withnail: Hold on, don't let your imagination run away with you Marwood: Imagination! I demand to have some booze!. Tell him if you must, I no longer care. Marwood: No more than you have. Danny: If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision - let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Marwood: They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. Withnail: Armed with this splendid script, Richard E. Grant executes a tour de force as a relentlessly angry-at-the-world unemployed actor and raging alcoholic. Black puddings are no good to us. I imagine they're talking to each other. [during dinner] [voiceover] It's a part I intend to play, Uncle. The movie, which ta. Press J to jump to the feed. We'll buy this place and have it knocked down! [teary-eyed] Danny: Withnail: Marwood: How can we make it die? [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". Here grows the plant Assidos, which, when worn by any one, protects him from the evil spirit, forcing it to state its business and name; consequently the foul spirits keep out of the way there.