In other words, your husband cant read your mind. Coping When Your Spouse is Unemployed Id just end up alone (basically the current situation), paying alimony (basically the current situation), and paying for all of our daughters expenses (the current situation). I have no idea what purpose this will serve. Sometimes people think he who earns the most should have to do the least chores.. I do not have health insurance through work, so have to go through the exchange. Im just feeling too eaxausted to keep this up. Decided to go back to school since spouse had a good job and agreed. And my level of resentment is at an all-time high. Be careful not to give excuses and ask your partner how you can help. First I just want to thank everyone who has helped me feel so much less alone! My boyfriend has had 2 jobs in the year and a half weve been together. It is your home that you inhabit and your live that you must optimise for yourself and those that want to actively contribute to it. After reading half these stories Im too exhausted of everything to write out my own. I had just started a new job that week and couldnt take off. I dont want to go into debt for anyone. When he gets fired from a job and denied unemployment, he doesnt appeal because he wants to keep his dignity. I wonder how his dignity would feel about a homeless shelter, because I cant do this for much longer. I know its for better or for worse, but this isnt fair! Hes doing neither of the last two, but expects me to pay for his counseling. How to Keep Housework From Hurting Your Marriage - Verywell Mind I wish I could separate with my DH, but with 2 school kids and a business just starting, it just not easy as difficult to find someone to love and look after my children. Then there were the next 8 months spent on getting a credential much to the exclusion of an active job search. Of course, like many others on here, I was afraid to leave him for other complex reasons that are hard to describe. 'My Unemployed Husband Had a Tantrum When I Took Over His Gaming Room My mom was so happy that at least one of us were married (I did not get married until 6 years afterward). At least my DH love my children. Last January, I lost my job of 7 years, he told me to not worried he will make his job search more aggressive, well I had to do temp work after my unemployment benefits ran out, someone had to make money for our family. Good luck and much happiness in the future to all of us. Yes I admit, Im extremely bitter over this situation. Consider this a 9 month course you paid for to see what you do not want in a partner. All the while his wife, my sister, worked 40-50 hours per week, to support the family. Im in the same boat. I feel as though he has done this too himself and I no longer want to help him I feel taken advantage of. Never money do anything special. Until then, I try to do as much housework as possible, I try to cook for him and I constantly remind him how much I love him and appreciate him. I gave my now-husband an ultimatum before we got married. Obviously no financial support.and I am now questioning whether he is able to provide for me long term financially and emotionally. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work. even when those male partners do not work at all, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. We are barely breaking even. And i have continued to work hard for the job to do something for my parents. In fact it grinds you down becoming very dark and lonely. Grow up and take action or remain silent. Do you want your sons and/or daughters to grow up this way? I have no clue what is going to happen really dont.. He likes the work itself (its a trade) but hates the people, bureaucracy, being told what to do by a less-experienced guy who is the foremans lackey, rude guys, dirty port-o-lets, you name it. All the stories hit me to the core. Whenever I ask him to please look for work, he would roam around the house, clean, wash the laundry and make himself useful in house chores. Pray Pray Pray! This is about you. When I ask them if theyve had a discussion about the roles each is taking on and how theyll split up the household responsibilities, I almost always get a no.. Wow. I often think I should have left him early on, before kids, but how did I know? Men are perpetrators. I have been in the same leaky boat for the last 16 (long and painful) months. Only thing left is to cut my calories down from 1100 a day to 500 and cut a meal a day to save money. I wish I could have my hair washed and cut but I may not pay the rates if I do, so I wash it myself and let it grow. And yes, honey. Anyhow, I am SOO frustrated with the sight of him sitting ALL day on that computer I feel like I am married to a fixture in this house. Why he was so angry and resentful about it is beyond me. I asked him once if we divorce, what is he going to do ? So now both sexes have grounds to resent how much of their lives they spend with Toilet Duck in . Lived there 10 years all on my wages he did nothing except spend, spend, spend. Sweden doesnt work like that and despite being a well educated woman with many talents I didnt get work. It seems like they wanted me not to work so they could call me lazy unmotivated a leech on society and all sorts of other things. Your post rings so true for me also ..the light has dimmed and love is damaged by fighting and disrespect. He found a part time job at a retail store in the meanwhile while the selection process continued. I lost a great-paying job in 2018 and once I saw my unemployment check, took the best job I could as soon as I could and took about a 25% pay cut to take the job. Now imagine the rest of your life with someone like this. During the 5th week of therapy, her oncologist increased her dosage, which made my sister sick. If one of you prefers to do chores on the weekend and the other wants to relax, this can lead to anger and resentment from both sides. I care for our babies all day, clean, cook, job hunt, pay the bills and deal with all of the other responsibilities around the house, all while having recently delivered a premature baby (with needs) and struggling to recover from my spinal injury. But Im like you cant feel to bad because you keep doing it. Ive spoken to him about it before but he has always somehow made it out as though Im being insensitive. He doesnt even have a drivers license, Im usually the chauffeur for everything. (I have a therapist. 1. He just began school again after winter break and just yesterday he stayed he needs a break from things. His family is incredible. Or, you can challenge your own thinking. He had gotten into meth and had family drama. I pretty much have a frequently unemployed family member staying with me who others have grown tired of and thrown out. It is worth it to wake up in the mornings and not be afraid. Yes that is very true now days it takes two paychecks. Then he expects sex every day and I dont have the energy for it. In a worst-case scenario, if you've already tried approaches like a chore wheel and/or assigned tasks and your husband is still slacking off, a stronger response might be necessary. I really can care less if he comes back. Yet he still hasnt applied for a job. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Its really like people had me type cast as their loser friend or loser relative and attempts to change that were met with resistance. i know this is 3 years old but for anyone reading who is going through this and NOT marriedRUN RUN RUN like the wind and do not turn back!!!! X. I have worked at a part time job for 6 years. Please know you are not alone. Now I know the movement I will tell my wife about my job she will mad on me..and may be she can start crying / shouting on me and my parents. I dont think as humans we were meant to constantly be exposed to the same people every minute-second-hour of the day. He just watched me do it and insists his way is just fine. tony bloom starlizard. The majority of women have turned into heartless, money grubbing, self entitled! I am one of those ladies out there. That evening, I lost it and yelled, What do you even do all day?. It has put a lot of stress on our relationship and the worst part is he isnt very good at talking about his feelings so I think he keeps it all bottled up and when I do need money he now starts to get really frustrated when I ask which makes me feel so guilty and terrible. I am open to input. That when his employers are looking to make cuts why is he always the first to go. Im Ms Y. with a twist. Keep on going to church and keep up social responsibilities amid the week. You're not respected because clearly nobody wants you on the [job] market. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I asked him to move out but he says he doesnt have to leave because hes on the lease and brags that legally I cant throw him out. My wife became unemployed over 15 years ago. I get that the job market isnt great and nothing has panned out yet in his job search in his field. I wish I could enrol my son in a sporting team, but I cannot afford the fees. he was super kind but we didnt manage to communicate properly. The "My Husband Won't Do Half the Housework" Fallacy. This thread has been alive for 7 yearsand the excuses just keep coming in for why some people choose to live off of the work of others around them. Took care of my son up until he moved out at 25. Work together on problem-solving. I have nothing in savings and bills coming up in 4 months that I have to pay but it doesnt seem she is interested in getting a study job. I cant kick him out because he has no place to go but live in his van. Ladies if your man wont get off his ass and DO something anything! He feels a minimum wage job is below him and spends his entire day online, doing what I dont know. Since then he blew thru $30,000 in his savings, has had infrequent freelance work, has done several projects for free(cause that will lead him to work) and my father financed $6000 for an invention that never took off /sold. I have serious health issues and Im barely holding on. Im exhausted. Im in the opposite situation. Advertise on The Marriage Counseling Blog, The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory. When we were renting a house we were nothing because we did not own a house. Everything is stressful for him even the house work, even me. 3. Knowing that my husband naps in the afternoon and does nothing but laze around the house really turns me off him. 11 Ways to Cope with an Unemployed Husband - wikiHow I work full time in customer service. I have to go to the laundromat or wait until he gets an interview to get some time alone. For the second time. I know I will get flack for this, but I just cant believe what men these days are expecting of their wives.